#curcol#

have you ever felt not meaningful to people around you??

that's what i feel today, my relationships with people around me become worst. i don't know what happened. i don't know where the mistake come, so i don't know how to fix it.

first, him.

whether it's just a feeling or reality. i feel he's changed. even though he didn't show it and he'll never do it. he was too good in any case, while I?? he was always patient with me. i sometimes think, if i stayed i would just ruin his life. he deserves to get more than me.. :'(

second, my mom.

yesterday afternoon, when i'll make a post my mom came home and yelling at me. i was surprised because i didn't know i had done something wrong. initially i was just quiet because i didn't feel. and eventually i will argue, coz i don't like the mad especially when i'm not mistaken. but, my mom is still angry. so, i went into my room and turn on the MP3 with a large volume. i actually do not want to fight again to my mom, but i always just out of control. she didn't know that i don't like being scolded, she always scolding me. maybe this is the effect of staying with my aunt since i was a child. so, my aunt understand me more. i'm sorry mom.

next, my best friends.

i don't know why, our friendship sretchable. sometimes i suspect this is because the distance and busy each person, but, if that's the problem, now it is modern technology that can eliminate a lot of distance. is friendship couldn't be prevented by distance??

indeed only a few people, but they all mean so much in my life. sometimes, i think to live a day without their presence. because i don't want to burden the people as good and as harmless as they, but it seem unlikely. now i just can hope things got better as before as soon as possible.

I LOVE YOU ALL.

don't ever leave me alone.